November 2008


I hate people who can’t drive. I know you’ve said the very same thing, likely about me, but honestly – I don’t care. I can drive. I’ve had two accidents EVER and both were caused by other people. (Technically one was caused by a spider, but we won’t get into that.)

When driving down the street there seem to be three types of drivers and at one time or another, we’ve all been one of these people. Imagine you’re going down a three lane… err, lane and riding a horse. It’s a nice horse, nothing flashy like those damned Arabians but a sound quarter-horse with good speed in the straightaway. You’re riding along when ahead of you in your lane is someone riding a cow.

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Everyone wants to go backwards or start over. I find this to be a frustrating attitude. It’s like people don’t realize that things happen for a reason. You couldn’t be the person you are today without the experiences that got you there. Good, bad or otherwise benign – all of your past culminates in your present and adds to your future.

Still, everyone seems to want a rewind button. I personally think it’s a lack of faith to even consider it. Does that seem to be a non sequiter? Bear with me. Faith is a foundation and I’m not talking religion here because I don’t care what you believe in so long as you believe in something. Faith is that belief in more than human beings; that there is something or someone more powerful available to help you along the path of life; and that there is a destination for life that goes beyond a 6-foot deep hole and a eulogy.

With faith, the rest of the world has a chance of making sense. All the horrible things we, as humans, do to one another actually have a place in the grand scheme of things. I’m not saying that we necessarily understand that great plan, but the knowledge that it’s there provides hope. With hope, the past becomes a stepping stone to a better place.

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Do you ever find yourself thinking internally thoughts you would never say aloud due to fear of offending someone or saying it wrong or generally making a mistake?

Do you ever slip up and find yourself saying, “Oh, was that my outside voice?”

Me too.

Now, I know a thing or two about guilt. I was raised Catholic for the first seven years of my life and the remaining years by people who were raised Catholic for their entire lives. I should write a book about guilt. I could give training lessons about guilt, but I would need my mother and grandmother as guest speakers. Experts in the field, you know.

Anyway, I have enough Jewish friends to know that supposedly they have the corner on guilt, but honestly I think they go to the same training school. On one side of the hall the teachers dress like penguins and discipline with rulers. This would not be experience talking at all. Thanks Mrs. Walker for looking out for your third graders in Wednesday Mass. Oh yes, a big shout out to my mother and father for signing the permission slip giving those repressed women the right to beat me at will. What were you thinking? I bet that’s why they closed that school. For beating little kids. How do you feel about that?- you were an ENABLER! On the other side of the hall, men with funny accents and hats that give you money for doing things right. I’m not actually sure that’s accurate but that’s what I choose to believe, how else do Jewish people learn to be rich?

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